Why is it so hard to let go of someone? I don’t like people walking out of my life. I work so hard to gain respect and trust from the people who enter upon their own pace. Family, friends, the one that I truly love. He walked out on me, again. This time it is harder. Harder than I could of ever imagined. I try so hard to keep up with myself and to make me happy, but that is just so unreal after all of the nights sleeping next to him, cuddling, holding hands, and falling asleep on him listening to his heart beat and his chest move up and down. We were “perfect.” What happened? I want this more than anything in the world. I would do anything for him, and he knows that. I don’t care if I have a guy in my life or not, but that’s not what I’m getting at. The point is that I worked my ass off for a year in this relationship, then he just gets up and leaves. I know things were tough, especially living with my mom, but shit I’m trying to take care of her. I’m tired of living in Cabot, I wanted a fresh start. I washed his clothes, cooked, cleaned, played video games with him, watched football with him, loved him for his learning problems, for his goofiness, for everything he is. I miss falling asleep next to him at night when he just tells me how much he loves me, and then waking up next to him telling me “good morning beautiful.” I’ve been on this rampage lately. I can’t just let someone go for no reason. Especially him. I miss looking into his eyes, taking showers together, going on walks, and being goofy. I miss him being my shoulder to cry on. I miss this complicated relationship. I’ve prayed so hard, not for a guy, but for me to be strong and stay on the right track. Somehow, this isn’t working for myself. My mood changed from happy to sad, to happy, then back to sad. I take frequent bubble baths, listen to sad music, text random people that I don’t even know. I’m lonely. I’m afraid to let go. I don’t want this. I ask many people for advice, but everyone is telling me so many different things that I get all tangled up and just shut down completely. I want my life back.

It hurts when I try to call him and he says just a few words, then says he is just going to go. I tell him that I love him, and all I got was “mhhhm.” Just have faith in me, like you told me to have faith in you.